Doctor Who and the Redneck
by OtterFrog
Summary: I always wondered what would happen if the Doctor ever visited my lil part of the world; This features the 8th Doctor as I can't stand the 9th and don't really care for the 10th. What can I say? I prefer the Classics!
1. Chapter 1

DOCTOR WHO AND THE REDNECK

Doctor Who and the Redneck

NOTE: No I do not own any character from Doctor Who or any of the contraptions. But I believe I –can- lay claim to Breck Haines. She's my character, after all You might even say she's my alter-ego!

Chapter One

It was promising to be a lovely day in the Kiamichi Mountains of Oklahoma. The trees showed a bit of the fall colors to come but the fall chill hadn't made an appearance yet. Pastures still held green grasses for livestock and hunters for miles around were readying their rifles and shotguns for the coming season.

Yes, a lovely day. Too lovely to be spoiled by a huge stack of bills balancing precariously on an old kitchen table in a small cabin kitchen.

Breck yawned and stared out her window towards the back pasture. As usual her two horses, two mules, a cow and chickens were waiting patiently by the gate, waiting for their morning feed and fuss. And as usual, the day promised to be another few hours mucking out stalls, scattering bedding, milking, feeding, then walking over the back pastures checking up on the young steers she hoped would fetch a good price in the fall auction when they were grown and fattened up a bit.

All in all, not a bad day ahead. The sun was warm, the breezes cool, and there wasn't too much of a rush to get things done. Yet today Breck just couldn't seem to get motivated enough to move beyond her coffee cup and kitchen table. Perhaps the growing pile of bills in front of her had something to do with it. Not only the electric and power bills, but animal feed, straw and of course, the main concern, that of gas. She leaned back in a long stretch and froze there for a moment. One of her dogs, a shaggy brown mix, cocked his eye up at her, just in case such actions led to a romp. Breck looked down at him and smiled.

"Ain't you the lucky one, Reb.You don't have to worry about comin' up with the money to pay f'all this stuff. Course, if I –don't- pay for it, you ain't getting' no more food other than what you can catch yourself out in the fields." She dropped her hands down and shifted through the pile again. "At least I got a couple of weeks yet. All I need is one good buyer for them steers. Then that should take care of this mess, and mebbe even some extra to finish that fencing on the south side pasture. An' if I don't…" she sighed and dropped the pile. "Oh well. No sense in borrowin' trouble. Got enough of that as it is."

"Hey there Grits! Why don't you go out and do the mornin' work for me so I can lay around this time? Just this once?" Breck suggested. "You seen me do it enough times. Go on! Get it done!"

Slowly Grits, her other hound mix, got up, shook himself and wandered over to lean against her, hoping for a scratch. She chuckled and obliged. "You know when you got it good, don't ya, boy? Yep. You do."

She sighed, yawned again then stood up. "Well, this ain't exactly getting' anything done, is it? Might as well get it over with. Hmm, think I'll treat myself to dinner in town tonight! Yeah, think I deserve a break. It's only a couple of bucks. C'mon Grits! Hey Rebel! Dare! Let's go!"

Whistling for the rest of her dogs, terrier mixes to keep down the rats in the barn and the occasional snake, she stepped out of the back door, grabbing her hat off the old washing machine and slapping it on her head. Most of the men in town and around the area would say Breck Haines was a very pretty girl but that was one thing Breck was sure she wasn't. Pretty? Her? With her plain brown straight hair (usually tied back in a ponytail with stray strands floating about) brown eyes and slight build? Pretty? Her? A Plain Jane, to be sure.

But at least she was strong and able enough to try to keep her small ranch going. At 50 acres it was far from being the largest around but it was enough for her. It allowed her to be more or less independent and out in the open instead of working at some job in town such as waitressing. Not that there was anything wrong with such a job, she just preferred to be out in the country.

It took her the entire morning to tend to her stock, as she liked to spoil them a little with extra attention. Even the cow, Old Bossy, got some brushing and cleaning up afterwards. They repaid her with such devotion they were almost like oversized dogs, following her everywhere. As she worked with the stock, her dogs passed the time hunting around the barn and stable for whatever rats and vermin they could dig out. Dare,one of the terriers, managed to snare one and raced off across the pasture followed by Rebel and Grits hoping to snatch the prize away. Failing in that, they trotted off to see if they could scare up a rabbit or two. Suited Breck fine. Kept them out of her way and also made the rabbits wary of coming too close to her meager garden patch.

Breck walked back up to the house, wiping her brow with her arm and shaking the dust off her hat before setting it back down on the washer. It was old and battered but still serviceable. New hats were expensive and a bother to break in anyway. She got herself another cup of coffee and considered taking a thermos along with her as she went to the furthest section of her property to check on the fattening yearlings then thought better of it. She probably drank too much of the stuff as it was. Breck opened the coat closet in her small living room and chose a light .22 rifle to carry along on her trek, a just-in-case item. She grabbed her light jacket off the chair and retrieved the hat as she once more stepped out. As usual she was surrounded by her dogs, almost being tripped up as she made her way to the pasture gate.

Guys! Take it easy, will ya? Dayum, tryin' to make me break my neck and then who's gonna pay them bills, eh? What happened to yer rabbit hunt? Go kick a squirrel in the head, the bunch of ya!"

At the mention of the word 'squirrel' the pack immediately dove into the woods in search of the elusive rodents. Breck smiled at the carefree bunch and swung open the gate to pass through. A loud snort sounded almost in her ear as Taw, her Appaloosa gelding, greeted her. She gave his head an affectionate rub.

"You stay here and keep an eye on this bunch, Taw. I'm goin' out on foot. Mebbe I'll be the one ta snag a rabbit fer dinner! Be good now!"

Walking along the path in the warm sunshine just beginning to thin in the fall season, Breck felt her spirits beginning to lift. Sure it was difficult to keep things paid and herself on the meager ranch but so far she was doing it. And it was a lovely day to be walking about in the mountains of Oklahoma. The trees showed their colors against a bright blue sky and there was a slight smell of the cooler weather to come. Even the persimmon trees showed a promise of a good harvest. She reached up and tapped on as she walked under, just to check. Still too firm. Of course she wasn't going to even try tasting one. Biting into an unripe persimmon was a good way to make one's taste buds shrivel for the rest of the afternoon. But one good frost will soften them up and promised a luscious bounty of almost overwhelming sweetness. Breck loved making persimmon butter from the fruits, providing the opossums didn't get to them first. They also highly favored the fruits.

It took about a half hour of hiking to get to where the steers usually stayed. Breck could have saddled up one of her horses or mules for the trip but she liked to study the woods and pastures on foot, seeing what animals had been there and taking note of any deer sign for the coming hunting season. If she could bag a nice fat buck then at least she wouldn't have to worry too much about meat for the coming winter. There was some sign of their passing through and Breck added that to her mental hunting map.

She had just crouched down to sweep away some leaves from a large hoof print when she suddenly heard a noise she had never heard before. It seemed mechanical but with such a loud wheezing groaning overtone she froze in the position she was in, clutching her rifle. If it was one of those off-road bikes, it really had a problem. But then again, for something to be that loud it would have to be one flippin' huge off-roader, she thought. Then with a final groan and whump it stopped. No fading away, just stopped completely. Breck remained crouched down for a moment or two, running all the various machinery she had heard and worked over the years through her mind and failing completely to come up with a match of the noise she had heard. But the next sounds that filtered over gave her the energy to leap up and confront whatever the thing was.

The sounds of her yearlings steers running off and bawling in fear.

Breck hurried along, making sure her .22 was at the ready. Somebody had the gall to trespass in her pasture and attack her cattle! The very ones that carried her future payroll! There was no way on God's green earth she was ever going to allow that to happen! She may be a slight built cowgirl, but she was armed and had no qualms about using the weapon.

Walking as slowly and quietly as she could manage, she reached the edge of the pasture where the sounds had come from and that the steers had quickly vacated. She carefully stepped up to the fence and pushed a branch from in front so she could get a clear view.

She had expected to see some weird form of off-road vehicle and people milling about doing whatever trouble they came there to do. But instead all there was in the middle of the pasture was a tall blue box. She studied for a moment, frowning as she tried to fit it in any logical pattern. Pasture, weird noise, steers stampeded and….a blue box in the middle. No, it just didn't fit.

As she was trying to figure all of that out, a door opened on the blue box and a man stepped out. Breck gripped her rifle. Okay, this is more like it. This gave an explanation. The box was a shed and whatever was going on was going on inside that shed. How it got there was another puzzle as there wasn't a road to these acres good enough for a flatbed truck and it looked too heavy to be carried. But Breck would figure that out later. Right now the more pressing issue was the stranger in her field that had disturbed her yearlings. He didn't look like what she had expected a rustler to look but then again, why would a rustler or poacher dress up as people expect them to? This wasn't the movies, this was real.

Still, it would have been a good idea for the stranger to at least have on a good pair of jeans rather than the tan trousers he had. Cattle weren't the cleanest of creatures. Plus he had on a long green frock coat and….was that a vest? Was he trying to impress the steers or something? No hat and for heaven's sakes, plain leather shoes! Well, a few minutes wandering around a cattle field will take care of those quickly enough. Not to mention the fact they offered little protection if the man disturbed a rattler.

If Breck hadn't been so ticked off at the whole affair she would have burst out laughing. But no matter how the stranger looked, the fact remained that he was trespassing, his shed was in HER field and her cattle had been disturbed. No way was she going to stand for that.

She made her way slowly along the fence, keeping the man in view and noting every movement. He hadn't noticed her yet but she wasn't going to play her hand until she was completely sure of everything. After all, she had no idea if there were anyone else in that shed.

He didn't walk far from the blue shed, just a few feet, then he stood there. He took out what seemed to be a pocket watch from his vest and flipped it open. He looked down at it, frowning slightly and muttered something to himself. Breck noted that, for a rustler, he was rather handsome. His long wavy hair was a deep chestnut color (It reminded Breck of a lovely Morgan horse one of her neighbors had) and tumbled down past his coat collar. His face was long but with strong features. If Breck wasn't ready to shoot him, she might have been inclined to try to get to know him better.

The man seemed to have come to a decision and, after returning the watch to his vest, started walking. If he had chosen any direction other than the still-lowing steers, Breck may had let him go off and then gone up to the shed to see what was stored in there. But there were her cattle to protect. She stood up as high as her 5'4" frame would allow and stated 'Ok! Who the hell are ya?!"

The man stopped and whirled about to stare, rather startled at her. Yep, he really was rather nice-looking, Breck thought. Too bad he's some sort of criminal. "Oh! Hello there!"

Polite too. But that only meant he could be a con man as well. Breck wasn't going to fall for that. "Yeah, hi. What th'hell do you think yer doin'?"

The man looked a bit confused for some reason. "At the moment, young lady, I'm looking for someone."

Oh no, an accomplice! "Oh yeah? Who?" Breck stated back. She was starting to feel a bit nervous now. If there was more than one here, she could find herself in a lot of trouble. How she wished her dogs were here! They could easily even the odds a bit.

The man shook his head slightly. "You wouldn't know them. But perhaps you can help me, have you seen or heard anything strange or out of the ordinary here lately?"

"Yeah." Breck said flatly.

The stranger took on a hopeful and eager look."Where?"

"Here. You're jest about th' strangest most out of th' ord'nary I ever seen."

The hopeful and eager look quickly became deflated. "Ah. No. I meant…all right, other than me."

"Nope."

"Perhaps yesterday?"

"Huh uh."

"The day before?"

Breck shook her head.

There was a moment or two of awkward silence then the stranger gave her a small smile. "Not much of a conversation, is it?"

"I don't talk much with thieves and 'specially not with those who are tryin' to run the fat off my steers!"

"Steers?" The man looked around and noticed the bunch of cattle standing in the far corner of the pasture milling together fearfully. "Oh. Those. I'm sorry if my TARDIS frightened them but this seemed the best place to land."

"Land?" Breck twisted her mouth in puzzlement. 'Land' was what one did with either a boat or plane, but not a shed. How could a shed 'land'?

"Yes, land. I was looking for a place that was out of the way yet close to what I was hoping to find. Your field here seemed the best place." The man once again took out his watch and flipped it open.

This bit of news didn't serve to calm Breck. "Oh sure! Find a nice pasture that ain't one of the bigger spreads with all their security systems and take all the cattle from there, eh? Then you can take yer own sweet time stealin' steers what would have paid off a couple of bills and mebbe even allowed me to make jus' a few improvements on my place! Never mind tryin' to work on yer own. No. Jus' take what you want from somebody else and t'hell with them, right?"

"My dear girl, whatever are you shouting at me about?" The man looked over at her with a puzzled expression. "I assure you I have no interest in any of your cattle. What would I do with them anyway?"

Breck snorted. "Sell them. Butcher them and sell the meat and hide. What else would you do with them?" Did he really think she was stupid enough to believe his innocent look?

"Again, I am not about to do either. They were merely in the way."

The man turned away, still looking down at the watch intently. Breck was puzzled now. If he wasn't after her cattle, then what? There really wasn't much else of value in these mountains. Rugged and ancient, just about the only things that grew in this corner of Oklahoma were pine trees, rocks and grass.

Rocks. The rocks. Of course! Whatever that guy was holding and staring at, maybe it wasn't a watch after all. Could it be a metal detector?

Breck set her mouth in a thin line. This guy was looking for either oil or ore deposits! Mineral rights could still be claimed, even in this modern day and age. Well, not on her ranch if she could help it. One way to verify her thought. She raised her voice. "Hey!"

The man turned back to look at her.

"What are you after anyway?" she demanded.

The man paused as if pondering her question. It seemed simple enough but he looked like he was struggling to come up with a viable answer. Or a good lie. Breck was in no mood to accept either versions. He finally offered 'It will be a bit difficult to explain…."

I bet, Breck said to herself, then stiffened when the man, who seemed to have come to a decision, was striding towards her in a determined manner. She quickly held up a hand to stop him in his tracks. "Hold it right thar! That's close enough!"

"It is?" the stranger looked at the ground between him and her, seemingly to measure the 12 or more feet of distance. "I've always preferred a more face to face encounter when doing introductions."

Introductions?! Now if this wasn't a smooth character! Next thing you'll know, he'd want to be invited in for dinner! Breck quietly slipped the safety off on her rifle. Concealed behind a fence post, it seemed a good bet he was unaware she was armed. "You first." She said with a toss of her head.

"Very well. I am the Doctor. And you are?"

"Breck. Breck Haines." There didn't seem to be any harm in giving out her name. It wasn't like she had much in the bank or elsewhere after all. Plus at least it –was- a name, not like 'Doctor'.

The man who called himself that gave her a bright smile. It made his whole face look so open and friendly that Breck almost slipped the safety back on. Almost. Criminals came in all sorts of types and disguises. Don't fall for it, Breck, she told herself. Even if he does look like the handsomest thing south of the river!

"I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Breck Haines." The man leaned forward, extending his hand in an offered shake.

Yeah, you just want me to get within grabbin' range, Breck thought. "Yeah, likewise." Oh how polite we are getting, in the middle of a cow pasture. Next thing he'll ask for tea or whatever. She tried to place his accent, perhaps English? It sure wasn't the country drawl that was used in these parts.

The Doctor dropped his hand with an air of slight disappointment and straightened up. "So, Breck. This is your field and those are your cattle, I take it?"

Getting back on the track of things gave Breck confidence. 'Yeah, and that's yer blue shed. Mind tellin' me just what in hell yer doing with that here?"

"'Shed'? That isn't a shed, that is my TARDIS."

Breck wasn't any more enlightened. "Ok. What's a TARDIS?"

"It's.." the Doctor paused then smiled again. "Come on over and I'll show you."

Yeah. Sure. Breck preferred keeping the fence between her and the stranger. "Heh. No thanks."

"Oh come, I'm not going to hurt you!" The Doctor started forward, his right hand once more held out. "Here, I'll help you over.,Ah!"

Before he took three steps, Breck had raised up her rifle in full view. She didn't say anything, allowing the firearm to speak for her. And it spoke volumes. The Doctor froze and held both hands up in a placating manner. "Now now Breck. That's not needed. I thought we were starting to become friends!"

"Well, this here's just one of my –other- friends. And she says yer close enough." Breck started walking sideways along the fence, keeping the barrel of the .22 still pointed at the stranger. She was going towards the thinner part of the fence where she could have a clearer chance to shoot or cut and run if need be.

Unfortunately as her attentions were all on the Doctor, she wasn't keeping an eye where she was putting her feet. There were several areas in that part of the mountain range where the silverish granite pushed up ridges through the thin soil like the backbone of a huge prehistoric creature. It crumbled into slabs of rock after a few centuries and was often the chosen hideaway of various animals. Breck stepped on one of the slabs and instantly a loud buzzing sounded near her boot as an irate rattler complained of being woken up. Almost instantly the slab shifted and Breck whirled her arms to keep her balance.

"Dammit!" she choked as she fought to keep upright and not fall anywhere near the snake, which would have most likely resulted in a bite. Suddenly she was grabbed and steadied by two strong hands on her arms and steered away. As she tried to regain her wits, she realized that her .22, her only assurance against that stranger, was now in his possession instead. Breck froze and tried to think what would be the next course of action if he decided to become violent.

The Doctor looked down at the rifle, made a wry face and after setting the safety, lightly tossed the weapon away. "We won't be needing that now, will we?"

"Uh..but…whu…" was all Breck could get out for the moment.

"I thought not. Now come on, I was starting to show you the TARDIS." He took her hand and led her over to a break in the fence. Breck's mind instantly found something to focus on. An open fence was one of the most undesireable things to happen in cattle country.

"My fence!!" she shouted. "You freakin' bastard! You broke through my fence!"

"Hm?" The Doctor looked back. "Oh, no. It wasn't me,that was already there."

Breck set her feet sharply in the ground and shook her hand free. "You creep! You broke through my fence, scared my cattle, took my rifle an'…." Her eyes fell on an odd shape partially hidden in the taller grasses. "What th' hell…"

Even the Doctor and his TARDIS (whatever that was) was forgotten as she made her way over to the object. As she drew nearer, the smell of death and decay reached her, along with the buzzing of hundreds of flies. She finally got close enough to make it out as the carcass of one of her steers. The unfortunate animal had been dead long enough for the body to become bloated but not enough to hide the cruel gashed and gapes in the hide. The stomach had been sliced open but no offal was seen through it. The jawbone and part of the throat was also missing along with the hooves.

Breck stood there, stared and gaped at the sight. Her mouth worked as she tried to come up with something that expressed her disgust and dismay. One of her prized steers laid there dead, that was one thing. One could get angry at losing one but it was the way it had been killed that struck her. No predator did that and why would any human kill it in such a manner, wasting all that meat and hide?

As she stammered and stuttered, the Doctor's voice came besides her, calm and steady as if he was reading a weather report.

"Interesting. It seems they were collecting specimens here. The blood was taken too. I wonder why?"

His voice broke the stunned spell Breck was under. She whirled about with her face darkened with fury.

YOU SON OF A ...!!" she shrieked as she swung her fist as hard as she could manage.

Taken by surprise, the Doctor caught the blow on the right side of his jaw and he dropped like a stone.


	2. Chapter 2

Doctor Who and the Redneck Chapter Two

Doctor Who and the Redneck

Chapter Two

As the Doctor fell to the ground Breck immediately went back to find her rifle. She was so infuriated about the loss of her steer in such a cruel senseless way that it wouldn't cause her to lose any sleep if she shot him then and there. After all, there was a sort of unwritten law in the western states that if a dog or other animal from another ranch was on one's own land and causing any problems, then the owner could deal with the situation as they saw fit. It was generally referred to as 'Shoot, Shovel And Shut Up'. While she knew it was mostly aimed at wandering dogs and cats, she was about to add the Doctor to the list.

She cast about for around ten minutes before she finally located the weapon. With a small glad sound she pounced on it, and then held it lovingly as she squatted near the broken fence. Her joy was short-lived, however, as an arm clad in a green sleeve reached over and the hand quickly plucked the rifle out of her possession once more.

"Hey!" Breck whirled about, stood up and glared at the Doctor. He looked back at her a little unsteadily while holding her rifle with his left hand and cradling his jaw with his right. He rubbed the side of his face and winced.

"Really, Breck, there was no need for that. No need at all," he admonished. "After all, I'm not the one responsible for breaking your fence or killing that steer. All I did was land in your field and scare a few cattle. Surely you don't go around striking people for that?"

"How do I know you ain't?" Breck yelled. She was at that point where fear and caution surrendered to cold anger. "Who else is around here, huh? There that is.." She swung her arm back to point at the damaged fence. "And there that is…" Here the dead yearling was indicated. "And here YOU are and that shed…that…whatever the hell you called it, TARDED!! What ELSE am I s'posed to think??"

"TARDIS," the Doctor corrected. "T..A..R..D..I..S. As I am trying to show you, it's not a shed. And I am also trying, if you will allow me, to explain what I'm doing here and to find whoever is responsible for all of this."

"Hmph," Breck still wasn't convinced. "So what are ya? Some sort of secret agent? You work for the FBI or the AFT?"

"I'm…more of a free agent, actually." he answered. He worked his lower jaw back and forth as if setting it back into place and dropped his hand. "Look, all of this will become quite clear to you if you will just let me explain."

Breck crossed her arms stubbornly. "Ok. I'll give you a chance. Explain away."

"In the TARDIS."

"Uh huh. So what difference is it if you explained it out here or in that shed?"

The Doctor sighed wearily. "I told you, it is NOT a shed."

Breck smirked. "Funny sort of outhouse then."

The Doctor assumed a very indignant expression. "And it is certainly NOT an outhouse! Do you want an explanation or not?"

Breck ran her tongue over her lower teeth as she pondered. If he really wanted to cause her any harm, he most likely would have done so already, especially after she had hauled off and hit him like that. But here he was still being rather pleasant after all of this. Perhaps she should give him the benefit of a doubt? Certainly standing around arguing wasn't making things any clearer. She sighed and lifted and dropped her hands in a gesture of defeat.

"Oh hell. All right. All right. Have it your way. Let's go."

"It's nice when one is finally listening to reason," the Doctor murmured. Before he turned and led the way over to the box, he handed over her rifle. Breck took it with some surprise then shrugged. It seemed that trust went both ways with them now.

She was still a bit nervous when they approached the blue object. As she drew nearly she didn't feel any calmer. There seemed to be a sort of…tingling feeling emitting from it, like one was standing next to a large church organ during one of its lowest notes. One couldn't exactly –hear- the note but rather felt it instead. She stopped a few feet from it and the Doctor gave her a quizzical look.

"That..that thing," Breck looked at it suspiciously. "It's…weird."

"If you think the outside is strange, take a look inside." The Doctor gave her an encouraging smile as he unlocked the door. "Come on in!" He gestured for her to enter first but as she hesitated he went on and slipped in ahead. "Don't be afraid. Come in!"

Slowly and carefully Breck made her way close enough to stick her head inside the door, ready to snatch it back if something grabbed at her. She took one look at the wondrous inside workings, opened her eyes wide in shock then jerked herself back. "WHOA!!"

She stood there with her back to the box, stiff and shaking, allowing her rifle to slip through her numbed fingers to the grass. Had she really seen what she thought she had? Not a small stuffy closet with only a few cubic feet of space but a huge wide open room that looked as if it could contain her barn, stable, and cabin with the chicken house thrown in for good measure. It was..HUGE!! And not only was it incredibly large but it was filled with instruments, objects, devices and other stuff she couldn't even put words too.

'Good god', she thought shakily. 'What the hell IS that??'

Something touched her shoulder and she spun about with a startled yelp. The Doctor stepped back and held his hands up. "It's all right, it's only me." He explained. "You didn't come in so I came out to look for you."

"Who……wh-what…..are you?" Breck stammered.

He shrugged. "I told you. I'm the Doctor."

"But but…." Breck raised a shaking finger at the TARDIS. "That….what the hell is…that?"

"I told you that as well. It's my TARDIS." The Doctor answered patiently. Really, humans did require a great deal of patience each first time they saw the TARDIS. He could by now predict every reaction they would have.

Breck swallowed hard as she tried to think of a reasonable question to ask. "Ok, just what is this….TARDIS..then?"

"Time And Relative Dimensions In Space." came the answer.

That really wasn't very helpful. "And that is?"

"My time and space machine."

"Time…and…space…." Then something clicked. If that machine was so alien, then that meant… Breck stared at the Doctor. "Does that mean..you're ….you're an….an alien?"

"Well, it all depends on what planet one is on, doesn't it? I mean, since we're on Earth then I'd have to say yes, but if we were on Gallifrey, then you would be the one referred to as an alien. Right?" The Doctor gave one of those bright smiles again. "Of course, if we were on..say…Delta Sybis 5, then we –both- would be considered aliens. But then.." here he gave a thoughtful frown. "I'm not sure if any native life exists there any longer. Could be that all life there can be considered aliens then? Hmm. Must really look into that some day."

This was all too strange for Breck. She suddenly felt very small and fearful of this very strange person, even more than his very strange machine. "You're not going to..abduct me, are you?" Visions of living her life out on some far away planet flew through her mind. Slaving away in some mineral mine on a deserted moon perhaps. Or as a concubine for some fat sluggish alien like Jabba. She shivered.

"Who, me? Don't be silly! I never abduct anyone. Or anything. You may come if you like. Or not. Whatever you wish." He stood there looking at her, waiting for her decision. Breck swallowed again, licked her lips and then her eyes fell upon the carcass of the poor steer. Once again anger flew up and she set her jaw. She turned towards the Doctor with newly-found determination.

"You said you're trying to find out who did that, right?"

The Doctor glanced at the steer then back at her and nodded. That made up her mind. She reached down and picked up her .22. "Ok. I'm in."

"Splendid! Oh but you really don't need your gun. Perhaps you could leave it here?"

Breck didn't answer but her grip tightened. The Doctor noted that and sighed. "Fine. I suppose you could put it in the closet."

They walked back to the doors of the TARDIS and although Breck felt her insides tighten with the ancient terror of the unknown, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and went in.

She walked along slowly, feeling like a mouse that had found its way into a cathedral. The ceiling was at least 20 feet above her and the walls around seemed curved and loaded with shelves filled with various items and books. Even the air seemed thick and ominous. She felt as if someone very important indeed was eyeing her with disapproval. 'Almost like being sent to the principal's office in elementary school,' she thought. She wrapped her arms about her, hugging herself for comfort and decided she could deal with all this much better if she was nearer to the Doctor. He at least –looked- normal.

He was at the controls of some huge contraption set in the middle of the room. Turning some knobs, adjusting a lever while all the time muttering to himself, he reminded her suddenly of a character in the old Wizard of Oz movie. She stifled a giggle.

At the sound he turned and looked at her and she couldn't resist. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!' she said in as low and manly voice as she could manage. To her surprise the Doctor also smiled and chuckled.

"Don't worry, Dorothy. You won't be meeting up with the Witch of the West in here!"

"You know about that movie?"

"Of course. Frank Baum is one of my favorite authors. And the film was just wonderful. I begged to be allowed just one small part but they said I was too tall for a Munchkin and too short for the witch's guard!" He pouted slightly. "Actually I was hoping for the role of the Cowardly Lion. I think I would have done that part rather well."

"Wait, you mean…you were there? Really?" Breck was confused.

"This –is- a time machine." He shrugged.

Breck looked up and around in wonder. "Wow. So this is really…it. I mean..it's a spaceship and everything! It really is! You guys do exist!"

"I've always wondered why humans seem to entertain the silly notion that they are the only sentient life forms in the cosmos." The Doctor mused. "After all, it's a rather large universe out there and you only know a miniscule part. It's like a caterpillar claiming to know all about the New York Central Park while clinging to a solitary grass stem."

"Well, it's not like y'all keep slipping down to say howdy an' all." Breck found a small chair nearby and sat in it carefully.

"Oh but we do, Breck. We do. You just don't know it. And of course such events are kept as secret as your governments will allow." The Doctor pulled out what Breck had thought was a pocket watch and opened it once more. He set it into a notch on the console which seemed to be made for it and operated another control while Breck chewed on that thought for a while.

"Well, I reckon we're pretty set in our ways and don't want anybody to come down and rock the boat." She suggested. "Even though there are enough kooks out there who want to stir things up."

"Do you like to 'stir things up' then, Breck?"

She snorted. "Hellfire. I got me a ranch to run. Livestock to care for an' bills to pay. Effen I didn't do that I wouldn't even have me a pot to piss in, never mind anything to stir with."

"So aliens can come down and wander about while all of you humans go your own merry little ways. If you don't want to see them, then you don't. A simple con act, actually. The Mythons have been doing it for years."

Breck started. "Th' who? What? Doin' what for years?"

"Oh don't be upset. They've just taken a fancy to some of your more isolated areas. Seems to be the fashion on their planet to take a vacation there. They come down, wander about for a week or two, take some pictures, maybe keep a rock or two as souvenirs, then go on back home again. They do take great care in not being seen but mistakes do happen." He frowned at a panel, obviously not liking what the readout was telling him. "But I have to inform you they don't really like the name of 'Bigfoot'. They claim it's demeaning."

Breck's jaw dropped. "Bigfoot?? You mean they're actually aliens?? Holy crap!"

"A very pleasant people too. With a fondness for large dinner parties." The Doctor caught a glimpse of his reflection in a shiny glass portal and gingerly rubbed his jaw. "Hmm, that's leaving a lovely bruise. You have a bit more strength than you look, young lady."

Breck was still trying to grasp the enormity of the information she was being given. She took another deep breath. "Ok, so what are you? Besides an alien, I mean," she added. "What d'yer folk call themselves?"

"I'm a Time Lord." came the answer.

She made a slight face. "'Time Lord'? That's it?"

"Yes," the Doctor twisted back to look at her. "What's wrong with it?"

"Well, it's just that, well, bein' alien an' all, I think you'd have a name that was a bit more…." Here she shrugged. "Alien-like."

"Well, that's just the translation of it in your earth language. In Gallifreyan it would be.." here he uttered a string of musical syllables that Breck found hard to follow. She knew there was no way her human throat would be able to come close to imitating the word, or words, or phrases. For all she knew he had just spoken an entire paragraph.

"Ok, I'll just stick with 'Time Lord'. It's easier."

As soon as she had spoken there came a low chiming from the console. "Ah. Popcorn in the microwave done?"

"No, the console has finished analyzing the compound samples I picked up out of the surrounding atmosphere." The Doctor answered. He did a few more adjustments near the instruments then stood there, one hand in his pocket, the other on the console and his lips pursed together in thought. "Now, isn't that interesting?"

Breck looked over his shoulder but all she could see were flashing lights and a small screen showing scribbles and various geometric shapes. "Hoowee, this here's more complicated than Jeridiah's new hay compactor!! So this is where ya.." she hunted for the proper word. 'Pilot this here TARDIS doohickey then?"

"'Doohickey'?" the Doctor gave her a confused look. "These are my control panels, yes. I can choose to travel to any place or time in the universe." Here he turned his back as his honesty made him add "Usually.' But it was low enough that Breck couldn't hear.

"So you know where the creeps are that butchered my steer at?" she asked. "I so want to git my hands on 'em. I'll teach 'em not to rustle MY cattle!" She balled her hands into fists and was about to slam them down on the console when the Time Lord quickly intervened.

"Now now, let's be careful here, shall we? We don't want to hit the wrong combination and send us out into another galaxy just yet, right?"

"Ah..no. No we don't. Sorry. Say, there isn't a self-destruct button or anythin' I came close to hittin', is there?" Breck stepped back and put her hands behind her, alarmed at the thought of accidently activating something. The Doctor was tempted to tease her by setting off a harmless series of sirens and lights but he resisted. No need to alarm her in her first few hours in the TARDIS. Humans tend to panic so easily, he had found out in an earlier life. He was just playing the same small joke on a young man he had met in Spain one year and spent the next week repairing the damage done to the console. Wide-eyed, the lad had thrown himself at the controls, pulling and pushing anything he could reach until by sheer accident he had hit the door lever. He had run out then so fast there was almost a small wind caused by his departure. Ruefully the Doctor spent several hours re-attaching wires and buttons and told himself never to do anything so foolhardy again.

So no. Such pranks almost always proved to be costly in one form or another. "No, no such item in the TARDIS. Never felt I needed it."

Feeling a bit braver, Breck crept back up to the console, still keeping her hands out of range. "Soooo..what sort of weapons ya got then? Lasers, phasers, torpedoes, what?"

Why did humans always seem to think of weapons next, the Doctor wondered. First fear, then awe, then the desire to blast something. "Nothing so dramatic. I prefer to avoid conflict when I can and deal with it sensibly when I can't."

Breck didn't seem impressed. 'Tuh, ya sound like some blame politician now. What if yer ship gets fired on? Ya jes' dodge?"

"When possible. Hmmm. All right, I do believe I've gotten the information we need."

"For what?"

He gave her a look over his rather long nose. "To track down the ones who did the damage to your property, of course. Have you forgotten?"

"Shewt no! Ok, les' git movin'!" Breck walked purposely towards where she remembered the door was and picked up her .22 on the way. Fully expecting the door to open as soon as she approached it, she was surprised when instead she ran into it. "Oof! Hey! What's with this thing? Git it open already!"

The Doctor rested his hand on the control but didn't move it. "We have to come to an understanding first."

"Unnerstandin'? Whut sort of unnerstannin'?" Ok, she thought. Here we go. She had fallen into the trap and now was going to hear the consequences of her foolhardiness. Well, be brave, girl. Breck swallowed hard, then lifted her head up and slowly turned back to face him.

He gestured towards her hand. "Your weapon. I'm afraid I must insist you leave it behind."

Breck drew herself up even further. "I ain't goin' out unarmed!"

The Doctor thought quickly and took his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. "Ah, but you see, we aren't! This…..'monopulator'…is far more powerful than your rather primitive firearm which merely throws a bit of lead about. Much more portable as well. And while you certainly are properly set to deal with –human- criminals, I highly douybt what we're about to face falls into that category."

This provided the desired effect as Breck looked about for a place to set her rifle down. "Well hell, cain't argy with that now, can I?' she exclaimed, almost happily. "Them things probably got bullet-proof skivvies or sumthin' like that. Why didn't ya say so in th' first place? That's gotta be harder on them things than my lil Barkin' Betsy. Mind iffen I set her here fer now?"

Humans did always like fancy ways to destroy things. And each other, the Doctor sighed to himself. "Yes, it'll be quite safe there and you can pick it up later after we get this all sorted out." The Doctor made a big show of adjusting and 'loading' the 'weapon' before replacing it in his pocket and hitting the door control. "Let's go!"

Once outside, the Doctor locked the TARDIS and once again took out the instrument Breck had taken for a pocket watch. He twisted the stem a bit, humming to himself, then pointed off to the side. "All right, off we go!"


	3. Chapter 3

A Chapter In My DW Fanfic, Title and Plot To Be Determined Later

Doctor Who and the Redneck 3

Chapter Three

The Doctor stepped up to the wire fence and, after surveying it from the left then right, gingerly grasped the wire and was about to clamber over when he noticed Breck wasn't there beside him. He looked back and saw her standing about ten feet off, studying him with crossed arms.

"Well?" he raised an eyebrow. "Coming along?"

Breck shook her head. "I don't mind traipsin' all over my lil acreage or even the next few over, but you get over that fence and you're in Chauncy Cleaver's land. An' he ain't never been one fer bein' over-neighborly-like."

Once again the Doctor had to sift through his mental files to translate what he had heard. He really must explore more of this planet besides the European part, he decided. Breck –was- speaking English but her twisting words and the meanings was getting the better of him. He finally hit upon a logical result.

"You mean he's not very friendly to outsiders," he concluded. "I can't help that, I'm afraid. The trail does lead through this meadow.."

"'Pasture'", Breck corrected.

"Pasture then. And if we're going to get to the bottom of this Chauncy….Cleaver, you said? Then Mr Cleaver is going to have to be a bit tolerant of us."

"The only tolerance ol' Chauncy knows is the range of his shotgun." Breck informed as she watched the Doctor struggle over the barb wired fence. "I'm just warnin' ya." She shook her head as she walked up. If the Doctor was so hell-bent on getting into trouble, she might as well help him out. As the Doctor freed his coat that had gotten snagged on a barb, she swiftly separated two strands and slipped through.

The Doctor frowned at her as he examined the damage to his coat. He had bent the top strands down and although he had been able to get over without too much trouble, he did have to hop a bit and now he had a torn hem. "Why didn't you tell me the easy way ?" he complained.

"Didn't ask," Breck shrugged. "So, now where to? I guess we could always hope Chauncy's workin' in the barn about now."

"Off this way," the Doctor pointed and set off. He was about to get into his usual long stride when he had to make a quick detour to the side. Breck grinned.

"That's called the 'Livestock Shuffle' and you'll have to watch where ya step. This –is- a cow pasture, after all."

The Doctor grunted and continued on in his chosen direction. Breck followed along but not as confident. This was plain trespassing in her book and something one just didn't do without good cause. Well, perhaps pursuing aliens with a destructive mind towards her planet would be considered a good cause but try to convince Chauncy Cleaver of that! She couldn't help but give small nervous glances about, hoping they wouldn't be noticed and that Chauncy indeed was busy elsewhere on his property. If not, then they'd better have a clear path of retreat.

She was so intent on her observations that she didn't notice that the Doctor had stopped dead in front and she ran into his back.

"Oof! Oh, uh, sorry."

"The 'Livestock Shuffle' again?"

"No, just makin' sure Chauncy's not about. We can still get back, y'know."

"Don't concern yourself with Chauncy," the Doctor said airily as he studied the surrounding terrain. "If we do meet up with him, I'm sure he'll be reasonable and listen to our perfectly good explanation. And apology if needed." He added.

"The last time someone tried to 'apologize' to him were a couple of sneak poachers and he only accepted that after he blasted both barrels in their general direction." Breck put in. "Shoot, he don't even like people comin' up and howdyin' on his own front porch! Let alone trampsin' all over his back pasture."

"A man who values his privacy." The Doctor murmured as he pulled an instrument out of his pocket and swung it from side to side in front of him. "Commendable at times but after all, no man is an island." He frowned a little as he gave that quote a quick ponder, then mentally shrugged it off and went back to the task at hand.

"Huh, Chauncy ain't no island, he's a flippin' hermit. And he hates people. Loves his horses and dogs though. Just don' have no truck with folk."

The Doctor mulled over that latest phrase and filed it under 'having nothing whatsoever to do with' after deciding it wasn't about a mechanical vehicle. "But doesn't he need help with anything? Doesn't he go into town and talk with others?"

"He calls in his grocery orders, goes in, pays fer 'em and then carts it home, I heard tell. And that's about it."

"He sounds like a lonely man." The Doctor made a slight adjustment on the instrument and swung it about again. "You people should reach out to him."

"And get our hides peppered? Ha. You first." Breck watched the device in the Doctor's hand blink with various colors. 'So. That's one fancy dancy pocket watch.What is it then? A metal detector?"

"No, nothing so crude as that. I'm trying to pick up the ionization trail I found at the landing site. It wasn't from their ship, obviously, so it's something they're carrying with them. Something very important. Ionized machines don't exactly come in portable sizes."

"So what do these iony-zation thingies do?" Breck struggled over the unfamiliar word.

"For that answer I'll have to look at the machine. And to do that we have to find them. Ah!" The instrument uttered a low whine and the lights flickered more rapidly. "They're on the move."

Breck gave a tug on his sleeve. "Uh…and we should too. Back where we were. Now!"

"Hm? At this time? Whatever for? We've just picked up the trail!"

"Yeah, an' Chauncy's picked up ours." Breck backed away slowly and nodded in the direction behind the Doctor.

"Hey!" The Doctor turned his head at the shout and saw a figure striding towards them in a very determined manner. He was dressed as Breck was, in jeans and cotton shirt, but they were way more worn and dirty. The man seemed to be in the same condition himself, heavy-set with a wide jaw and scowling whiskered face. The gun he was carrying, though, looked very well cared for, cradled almost lovingly in huge calloused hands. "What d'yer think yer doin'! Yer on my property! Go-damn trubblemakers! Y'allgitonouttahere!!"

That last phrase was shouted so rapidly it sounded like it was all one word. The Doctor wasn't sure what it meant but it was clear the man was angry. He held up his hands calmingly. "Ah yes, you must be Mr Chauncy Cleaver! My friend has been telling me all about you. I'm the Doctor and I am pleased to make your aquaintence."

"You ain't makin' nuthin' and especially you ain't makin' it on my land! Gitagoin'!!"

"I assure you we meant no harm, we were just trying to…ah…find some friends of ours that had passed this way. You haven't seen them, by any chance?"

For some reason that statement made Chauncy even angrier. His face darkened as his features twisted into a more hardened scowl. 'Yer means there's more of ya runnin' all over my place?? What the hell yer tryin' to do? Take over?? Run me off my own land??"

Breck tugged at the sleeve again. "Lets go, Doctor," she said quietly but firmly. "While the gittin's good!"

"We can't leave, not at this point!" the Doctor protested. "I need more information and.."

"Information!?" Chanucy snapped. "'Bout what? My water rights? Wait…." He looked at the device the Doctor still held in his hand. "Oh I git it. Yer one of them surveyors eh? Come to hunt up whatever ore an' stuff yer can find? Then claim mineral rights! Git me booted off my own property!?"

"No no no," the Doctor shook his head and offered a smile. "We were just…uh…now just a minute…"

That phrase was the result of a shotgun brought up and aimed at him. Chauncy cocked back the hammers and stated flatly. "Yer got 5 minutes t'leg it off my land. And I'm countin' now!"

"Now see here, Mr. Cleaver.." the Doctor began but Breck took the opportunity to pull his arm back.

"Hoof it, Doctor! He ain't messin' around with us!"

"Yer damn right I ain't messin' around! I'm tired of people tresspassin' on my place all hours of th' night and all. Scared my horses, hurt my mule and I'm puttin' my foot down! 'Specially after las' night. You cuttin' up one of my bes' cows! You people are sick. Sick!"

"All hours of the night? Cutting up a cow?" the Doctor paused then started walking up to the agitated man. "I may be able to help you there. Did you happen to speak..YIPE!"

Chauncy had fired off one barrel at the Doctor's feet, causing the time Lord to yelp and jump back. "That's only one barrel, I got anuther one and I'll use it too! Git!! An' that goes fer you too!" This was aimed at Breck. "Done told you once afore I don't neighbor an' I don't howdy! I ketch you on m'land agin and I'll treat you like you treated my cattle!"

"Fine with me there, Chauncy. Come ON, Doctor!" Breck had taken her own advice and was already a few feet ahead. "Don't give him no more chances!"

"Well, really." The Doctor turned and started jogging back to the fence where they had entered the pasture before. "He HAS to listen to reason!"

"I don' have to lissen to nobody! And this gives me the right!" Chauncy leveled his shotgun in their direction and fired it once more as the Doctor had slipped through the barbwire fence.

At the loud report of the gun the Time Lord fell forward with a sharp cry. He had fallen on top of Breck and as they tried to untangle themselves Chauncy chuckled to himself. The old man gave a nod of satisfaction as he turned towards his house. "That'll larn ye! That surely will! Durn surveyors! Sick freaks!"

"I knew it," Breck grumbled as she tried to regain her feet from the undignified huddle. "I tried t'warn ya. Ol' cantankerous son of a b….Doctor? You ok? Did he git ya?"

The Doctor was slowly getting to his feet with sharp gasps of pain. "I…I'm rather afraid….he did….ah!"

"Dammit," Breck took his arm, concern deep in her eyes. "Where? Leg? Arm?"

"Not so…..ah!...easy an area to….deal with…" the Doctor muttered. He reached back and pulled the back part of his coat foreward so Breck could see the small holes scattered in it.

"Oh no, he got you in the…..well…coattails!! Well shoot. Now we gotta get you to a doctor in town."

"No no!" Was it her imagination or did the Doctor blanch slightly. "I'm afraid I……I don't deal well….with doctors. Not earth ones anyway." He grimaced as he tried a step forward. Breck instantly was besides him to allow him to shift a bit of his weight onto her. "I doubt if they..ow!...knew how to treat a Time Lord."

"Well, we gotta do somethin'. Cain't be leavin' all that in ya. It'll get infected somewhat fierce!" Breck staggered a bit as she tried to help him along. He was heavier than he looked. "Good thing Chauncy only uses bird shot."

"Oh yes.." the Doctor bit his lip. "Just my luck, isn't…Ouch!..it?" He went a few more steps then leaned heavily against a tree. "I agree that those pellets can't be just left in there but as I said, I…umph..can't go to any of your local medical staff or even a hospital." A faint memory seemed to cross the Doctor's features and he swallowed. "I don't care for hospitals for one thing."

"They ain't exactly my favorite places neither but what choice ya got?" Then it hit Breck. "Ohh. Oh. Damn. It's because you're an alien, right? They wouldn't know how to treat ya and even if they did they'd call the authorities about how they got this alien here and then those men-in-black dudes'll come with them choppers and black limos and cart ya off to some secret underground base and do all sorts of experiment things and interragations and stuff!"

The Doctor tried to filter out all her ramblings into something he could understand, not easy when he had the added weight of pain. 'Interragations' must be 'interrogations'. Her use of the improper vowel and the stress she added to the incorrect syllable made the whole sentence confusing. He merely nodded. Gestures were almost always a safe response.

Breck was really worried now. "But…but..dayum! What are we s'pose to do now?? Cain't even take you to a vet!"

"Only one choice." The Doctor started forward again and Breck supported him. He grunted with the pain of taking a step. "Have you ever dealt with a gunshot wound?"

"Yeah, One of my hounds got peppered once and I had ta…wait a minute here!!" She stopped short, causing the sudden moment to make the Doctor wince. "Oh sorry." She took up her position again. "You ain't sayin' that I……that I…oh c'mon!" She felt her face flush a deep red. "A dog is one thing but a person's another!!"

"Just think of me as just another hound. Without the fur." Sweat broke out on the Doctor's face. If all this pain resulted from simple birdshot, he wouldn't try to bluff anyone with larger ammo. This made even the stun guns (which always left one with a dreadful headache) comfortable in comparism.

"But..but I cain't do that!! You're a…a..well, I –think- you're a guy.. And…well…it's just ain't done!!"

"You expect me…to do it…myself?" he muttered. "With a mirror and tweezers?"

"No..no but..uh…but…oh hell." Breck's mind raced as she tried to come up with any excuse to avoid operating on this strange man. "I don't have any….ahhh…anesthetic stuff!! You're gonna be feeling ever last inch of it!"

"I'll put myself in a type of trance to block the pain," was his answer. "Then you can just carry on. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do just fine." He managed a small smile to encourage her.

It was lost on her as she snorted. "Yeah, and what happens if something goes wrong? You start bleeding all over and I can't stop it? What if you're allergic to lead? What if some earth germ your body can't tolerate gets inside? I seen the "War of the Worlds'."

"I've been injured a number of times while on your planet, and on others and have recovered. My immunity system works quite well. Well…." He paused to reflect. "Most of the time. I recall I did have to spend a few days in bed during the Panama Canal excavations."

"Malaria, from the mosquitos? I've heard about that."

"No. Actually it was the result of a stew the cook made once. He was trying some new ingredients and they just didn't seem to agree with my system. Very uncomfortable." He stumbled over a loose rock and winced again. 'Although I dare say not as uncomfortable as this."

"Wonderful. Just great. All I wanted to do today was get my work done quick so I could go into town and give myself a treat with a nice lil dinner at the Circle K diner. Now here I am running all over the whole mountain range chasin' some weird aliens which want to destroy the whole world by slicing up all the cattle and to top it all off I'm gonna have to operate on an alien's butt!" Breck muttered.

"Sorry to have ruined your evening," the Doctor murmured back.

Breck blushed again and mentally kicked herself. "Sorry, that didn't come out very sympathetic, did it? It's just that…that…well…I'm worried about you now. What if something happens?"

"As you say, it's just birdshot. It should be a simple job of plucking the lead shot out and then cleaning everything up with a saline solution. Shouldn't be too bad, really."

"'Shouldn't be too bad'? Like I said, what if something goes wrong??'

"Would you care to try to deal with the situation from my end?..Ugh. Bad choice of words! Wait, wait just a moment." The Doctor leaned against another tree and searched about in his pockets for a handkerchief to wipe the sweat away from his face. "There isn't a quicker way to your house, is there?"

"There is but it's down a creek bank and you don't look like you can do any climbin'." Breck thought for a moment then suggested "I could go out and saddle up Taw, bring him back an'…"

"And just how am I going to mount him and ride in this condition?" the Doctor pointed out. He sighed and shook his head. "Now I'm the one who has to apologize. You're trying to come up with a more comfortable solution for me. I do appreciate it."

"I wish I had a wagon, or something. All I go is my old truck and I cain't drive it over here through these trees." Breck frowned and tried to think again. The Doctor gave a rueful smile.

"Even if you have something like a wagon, it still would be faster if I quit stopping and just kept walking. So.." He straightened up and reached out so Breck could lend support once more. "No other way other than to continue on! Ow! Have a care!"

"I'm tryin' to be careful but yer heavy! Oh, watch out for that root there."

"I see it. Owww!" The Doctor uttered some words Breck couldn't recognize as any Earth language but the meaning was perfectly clear.

"I thought you said you saw it?"

"It was the other one."

"Oh."


End file.
